Today's the ops day.
There hasn't been a single moment that i don't think of her and how we are going to inevitably part.
In all honesty, this seems like a nightmare I wish I could wake up from.
* *
With all that has transcended, I do think it is appropriate and timely that I close this blog.
This allows me time to concentrate on the book I intend to write.
Before I leave, and to take away from this whole episode, I urge all of you to cherish your loved ones around you, and please, do not hesitate to show them how much you love them, before it is too late.
And with this, I lay this blog to rest.
And I wish all of you well.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 7:49 AM
Thursday, January 13, 2005
I've always wondered how would one feel if a definite deadline was attached to life. Well, a deadline, literally.
An expiry date? Best before.
How can one life, so accomplished, so complex in thought, so deep in feelings, be reduced to sheer nothingness after death? I refuse to buy it. There has to be much more than just that. There must be.
Is life in fact slow-dying? Unfortunately true.
And now before our eyes, the hour glass overturned. The trickle of each sand, the passing of each moment. Time has become finite and clearly not our side.
Losing you is only but an eventuality I have to face and overcome.
I know now that I'm going through the most trying period of my life. And I am not afraid to use the absolute here.
Dream like you'd live a million years, live like you'll die today.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 4:33 PM
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
The next 15 hours would be a treacherous and excruciating wait. I can't exactly figure if I want 2pm to come or not.
But then again, time is beyond my control anyway.
Eventualities.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 11:05 PM
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Morning, and coffee
You would ritually make.
I sit by and watch
Your gentle hands in motion.
We are but silly play-things at His feet.
How fragile our mortal existence seems.
Our frivolous fate at His disposal.
He who gives life, also takes it away.
Mourning, and coffin
We would ritually pray.
I sit by and watch
Your gentle hands at rest.
Then what after?
A memory, a legacy.
A still photo to remember your face.
Carnations annually.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 6:11 PM
Masquerade!
Paper faces on parade.
Masquerade!
Hide your face,
So the world will never find you...
We all do live behind masks, don't we? And what a useful mask it is. To show what others expect of us; and more often than not, to only show what we want others to see of us.
It is a mask of inevitablity we are cursed to wear, some people more so than others. At the core of our souls, we are essentially sinners; and conscience tells us that this just cannot be so. So we pick this mask, and realise how it shields and provides refuge from the crazy world we live in. Soon after, we will lead our lives with the mask, fused as one entity.
Have we now become fictitious? Not so.
We were meant to live with masks. Nobody really knows anybody. The human mind is created with complexities uncomprehensible beyond our mortal means. And it is not a bad thing after all. Ignorance is bliss in this case, and it is precisely within this bliss that we find strength to move on in life.
There is a clear line between a mask for hypocrisy, and a mask for sanctuary and survival. And it is with the latter that most, if not all of us spend our days in.
Masquerade!
Seething shadows, breathing lies.
Masquerade!
You can fool any friend
who ever knew you...
nimgnoy let the night fall at 10:01 AM
Saturday, January 08, 2005
%20016.jpg)
Thats us. My bestest of chums at the same party. Ok, too bad Shujun's not in this photo, else it would make a good pic.
The 5 of us. The people I see almost every other weekend. The people I know I can depend on anytime. I could not have asked for more.
We seen each other through everything. We hang, we chill, we talk for hours. We wala.
Unspoken but quietly resounding, we've reached the point where we know that even if everything else in our lives fell apart, we're so certain that we would still have each other in the end. Makes me feel damn proud.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 2:48 PM
nimgnoy let the night fall at 2:20 PM
Does a snail come attached with its shell from birth?
Or do they go round finding a shell to snuggle themselves in? If so, why do all the shells look the same?
How do snails come to be born in the first place?
What is the purpose of the snail in the food chain? What the hell do they eat?
Do snails have sex?
Ah, the things that go through my brain on a sunday night.
Edited to add:
http://whyfiles.org/shorties/082snail_dart/ i finally found the answer.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 11:20 PM
What can you say about 2004?
What can you say about a year that spent more time and indignation on a 38-year-old pop singer's accidentally exposed right breast than the vapidly violent dance routine, erection ads, capitalistic orgy (and football game) that surrounded it?
What can you say about a year that glorified both a bright man who won 74 "Jeopardy!" games in a row, and also glorified a shallow, inexplicably famous hotel heiress/party girl who became even more inexplicably famous thanks to a Fox reality show?
What can you say about a year that made a self-aggrandizing, strangely hair-styled tycoon with an edifice complex into a TV star; and put the queen of domesticity behind bars?
What can you say about a year in which the Federal Communications Commission levies a record fine for that aforementioned 38-year-old pop singer's bared breast -- but the violently graphic details of "CSI"-type shows were met with nothing but high ratings?
What can you say about a year that lost its Genius (Ray Charles), its Superman (Christopher Reeve) and its "Friends"?
What can you say about a year in which wizards were featured in a top five-grossing movie, a major best-selling book, and the film named best picture of 2003?
What can you say about a year that featured Britney Spears getting married more times than Jennifer Lopez, and Jude Law appearing in more movies in four months -- six -- than a studio contract player in his prime?
I can't think of anything.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 1:41 PM
Saturday, January 01, 2005
1999/2000 - Millennium Swing @ Orchard
2000/2001 - Jiaxin's place @ Parc Oasis
2001/2002 - Lido watching a midnight screening of The Others
2002/2003 - The Esplanade
2003/2004 - Home nursing a fever
2004/2005 - Joseph's car
So it all came down to this. Joseph and I did the coundown in his Sonata.
This will go down the memory books i'm sure.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 1:05 PM
%20016.jpg)
%20007.jpg)
%20012.jpg)
%20038.jpg){kind=link}
%20039.jpg){kind=link}