Sometimes I write words I do not understand, but yet they flow from my very mind to the fingers that go tapping on the laptop.I love the liberation when I write like that. Letting the myriad of words mingle with reverie, allowing reality to merge with fiction and like a great artist, manipulate words with my paintbrush until singular colours become a great work of art.* *It makes me really glad when you call. And knowing you take the effort to.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 11:53 PM
They tell me that weblogs are the avenue for the most vulnerable thoughts, undressed. In this realm so confessional yet so distant - I can be despondant, but you can never see my tears; I can bleed, but you will never feel the warmth my blood.What happens when songs that remind of you cease to be happy ones? And more disheartening because they once did? I try so hard to tell myself that you're gone, and though you're still with me, I've been alone all along. Am I to assume, once again, that you will be able to resolve this? No. For I tell a story few comprehend, most stumble over words puzzled and encrypted with agony.My search for you, your search for me, is a search after something that cannot be found. Only the impossible is worth the effort.Good night, world.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 11:51 PM
Thursday, August 25, 2005
I know I am a fool, trying to make connections out of scraps but how else is there to proceed? The fragmentariness of life makes coherence suspect but to babble is a different kind of treachery. Perhaps it is a vanity. Am I vain enough to assume you will understand me? No. So I go on puzzling over new joints for words, hoping that this time, one piece will slide smooth against the next.Walk with me. Hand in hand through the narrative, the neat sentences secret-nailed over meaning. Meaning mewed up like an anchorite, its vision in broken pieces behind the wall. And if we pull away the panelling, then what? Without the surface, what hope of contact, of conversation? How will I come to read the rawness inside?The story of my day, the story of my life, the story of how we met, of what happened before we met. And every story I begin to tell talks across a story I cannot tell. And if I were not telling this story to you and to someone else, would it be the same story?
nimgnoy let the night fall at 11:02 AM
Finally, after 21 hours of training, and countless evenings sacrificed.I'm part of the team. nimgnoy let the night fall at 10:27 PM
Saturday, August 20, 2005
When Jon and I were chatting a few nights ago, we felt it was odd that he wasn't in my sidebar. And yes, I am guilty of that because I have been too busy, and lazy, to add the pic in.And since the sidebar showcases people that matter most to me, it would be a total irony that Jon's pic is not in it! Sorry bro!So there it is completed now, all the people whom I love dearly in my life, all by my side(bar).
V Tea Room, Esplanade Mall7th June 2005
nimgnoy let the night fall at 11:05 PM
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Okay, I TRIED to do the panning effect but the ends don't match that well. So use your imagination a bit to sew these pictures together. This is the view of the TV to the bed, which is essentially the whole room.
The wall adjacent to my bed which I have plastered with Rip Curl pics I have tore out from the catalogue I collected in Surfer's Paradise.
And my personal toilet! Again, alternate tiles are stuck with images from some catalogue I picked up in Australia. Sink on the left, shower room on the right.
There, my room.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 10:13 PM
I haven't wrote much about the start of my academic year, have I? In fact, I have written nothing about it at all.I love Philosophy. I would rank it as the most enjoyable and insightful module of the semester.Quite contrary to what I thought Philosophy lessons are all about - the great theory of life and thinking - I have come to realise that Philosophy is in fact the acquisition of skills. Skill of critical assessment and skills to see the obvious and the otherwise. Whenever a claim is made, many other unspoken statements are thereby made as well, and that is where skills we've learnt comes in.I am rushing this because I have to leave in a moment's time for dinner with Vic.So allow me to blabber off - no fanciful language, not much thought into what I am typing either.And that is how tertiary education should be like! Learning insights and skills of life, and not still trying to figure out why sin2A = cos(2A + bullshit) - tan(gimmeabreak + 2A).I do realise I am sounding rather condescending here but pardon me.And then there is Lit. Appreciation and Criticism.Insightful, yes, but I do get lost in the dense construct of opinions and thematic concerns. It is embarrassing to admit that I walk out of the lecture still trying to digest the information, trying my best not to throw up.Paedophilia to Art and Morality to Consumerism and Popular Culture to whateverelseicouldnotdigest, I have to read Lolita one more time, a few more times.I have to go now.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 6:27 PM
I suffer. I intentionally put myself in the way of suffering as a test, as a measure, to see what will be drawn up - to stop myself from closing up. I don't want to close the wound.Love wounds. There is no love that does not pierce the hands and feet. Love's exquisite happiness is also love's exquisite pain. The ambivalence of life. I do not seek pain but there is pain. I do not seek suffering but there is suffering. It is better not to flinch, not to try and avoid those things in love's direction. It is not easy, this love, but only the impossible is worth the effort.All human live us a dramatic enactment of the wild, reckless, unquenchable, undrainable love that powers the universe. If death is everywhere and inescapable, then so is love, if we knew it. We can begin to know it through each other. The tamer the love, the farther away it is from love. In fierceness, in heat, in longing, in risk, I find something of love's nature. In my desire for you, I burn at the right temperature to walk through love's fire.So when you ask me why I cannot love you more calmly, I answer that to love you calmly is not to love you at all.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 11:38 PM
nimgnoy let the night fall at 12:56 PM
Saturday, August 13, 2005
The stories we sit up late to hear are love stories. It seems that we cannot know enough about this riddle of our lives. We go back and back to the same scenes, the same words, trying to scrape out the meaning. Nothing could be more familiar than love. Nothing else eludes us so completely.My search for you, your search for me, is a search after something that cannot be found. Only the impossible is worth the effort. What we seek is love itself, revealed now and again in human form, but pushing us beyond humanity into animal instinct and god-like success. The love we seek overrules human nature. It has a wildness in it and a glory that we want more than life itself. Love never counts the cost, to itself or others, and nothing is as cruel as love. There is no love that does not pierce the hands and feet.Merely human love does not satisfy us, though we settle for it. It is an encampment on the edge of the wildnerness, and we light the fire and turn up the lamp, and tell stories until late at night of those great loves lost and won.The wilderness is not tamed. It waits - beautiful and terrible - beyond the reach of the campfire. Now and again someone gets up to leave, forced to read the map of themselves, hoping that the treasure is really there. A record of their journey comes back to us in note form, sometimes just a letter in a dead man's pocket.Love is worth death. Love is worth life. My search for you, your search for me, goes beyond life and death into one long call in the wilderness. I do not know if what I hear is an answer or an echo. Perhaps I will hear nothing. It doesn't matter. The journey must be made.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 10:34 AM
Change is imminent and fuelling my drive forward.A call from the Office of Student Affairs has finally opened a new door into my life - my pgp residence!So it's a frenzy week of Ikea and Barang Barang.And life, takes a turn, once again.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 6:03 PM
Evening and the window was open. The tide retreating as the fiery sun begins its solitary descend in the horizon.And where sea meets land, a lone saxophonist stands, reduced to barely a silhouette, beginning as well, his solitary serenade.Each refrain played into the expanse, yet almost certainly brought back by the waves rolling into shore. His tunes would never carry out to the distances he wanted it to reach. The audience never heard.Thousands of miles away your tears tap tap on the board. If your make-up is run-proof, my heart isn't.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 1:12 PM
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Night.I logged on to the net. There were no emails for me. You had run out on the story. Run out on me. Vanished.I typed in your address.Nothing.Here I am like a pertinent in a confessional. I want to tell you how I feel, but there's nobody on the other side of the screen.What did I expect?This is a virtual world. This is a world inventing itself. Daily, new landmasses form and then submerge. New continents of thought break off from the mainland. Some benefit from a trade wind, some sink without a trace. Others are like Atlantis - fabulous, talked about, but never found.Found objects wash up on the shores of my computer. Tin cans and old tyres mix with the pirate's stuff. The buried treasure is really there, but caulked and outlandish. Hard to spot because unfamiliar, and few of us can see what has never been named.I'm looking for something, it's true.I'm looking for the meaning inside the data.That's why I trawl my screen like a beachcoomber - looking for you, looking for me, trying to see through the disguise. I guess I have been looking for us both all my life.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 11:49 PM
Once upon a time, there was a brilliant and beautiful princess, so sensitive that the death of a moth could distress her for weeks on end. Her family knew of no solution. Advisors wrung their hands, sages shook their heads, brave kings left unsatisfied. So it happened for many years, until one day, out walking in the forest, the princess came to the hut of an old hunchback lady who knew the secrets of magic. This ancient creature perceived in the princess woman of great energy and resourcefulness."My dear," she said, "you are in danger of being burned by your own flame."The hunchback told the princess that she was old, and wished to die, but could not because of her many responsibilities. She has in her charge a small village of homely people, to whom she was advisor and friend. Perhaps the princess would like to take over? Her duties would be:1) To milk the goats2) To educate the people3) To compose songs for their festivalTo assist her she would have a three-legged stool and all the books belonging to the hunchback. Best of all, the old woman's harmonium, an instrument of great antiquity and four octaves. The princess agreed to stay and forget all about the palace and the moths. The old woman thanked her, and died at once.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 12:09 AM
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
At risk of being late for school, I write for you.I have always felt our friendship special, our lines drawn so clear we could not go wrong. And when I do not see you for an extended period of time, I do actually miss you.Yet I do feel guilt.I wished I had known you better, been more involved in your life and to see you grow up the way I wanted someone to be there when I did. There is always this inadequacy, ruled by circumstances and emotions, that keeps me away from you.How can I resolve this parodox that wants me close to you, yet pulls us apart?But I love you chippy. And I guess you know, I think.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 9:29 AM
It is also timely I introduce the 6 new images I've added to the side photo bar.
Seaworld, Brisbane, Australia.
18th July 2005
We were watching this 4-dimensional show and had to put on funny shades.
Swensons, Crown Prince Hotel
25th June 2005
Jess, back from Melbourne, dines with Hani and me.
The Fullerton Hotel
23rd April 2005
I just had to put this image in. You only turn 21 with nine other best friends once in your life.
And now the scenic images,
St Kilda Beach, Melbourne, Australia
Undated
St Kilda is one of the best places I've been to in recent years.
By the beach, Acland Street dishes out the best looking cakes and the coolest cafes. Jess kindly sent this photo of sunset by the shore. The fiery glow in the horizon and clouds stretching out in the sky is simply magnificent.
Lavender Farm, Mornington Peninsula, Australia
24th November 2004
The whole photo looks even better. Maybe I should put the whole pic here.
There.
Fresh lavenders smell great. The rolling plains of Australia. One of the best photos I've taken.
Twelve Apostles, Great Ocean Road, Australia
23rd November 2004
I has second thoughts when I decided to put this image up. It was too much of a touristy shot. But I felt this image had value now, since the stump that is closest to the foreground had collapsed recently on July 4.This picture is now history.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 12:08 PM
Did you know?"We Belong Together" has been #1 on each of the following Billboard charts:
Hot 100 - 9 weeksHot 100 Airplay - 11 weeksPop 100 - 3 weeksPop 100 Airplay - 6 weeksHot R&B/Hip-Hop Singles & Tracks - 10 weeksHot R&B/Hip-Hop Airplay - 10 weeksRhythmic Top 40 - 10 weeksTop 40 Mainstream - 6 weeksAdult R&B (Radio Monitor) - 2 weeksDance Music/Club Play - 1 weekHot Ringtones - 1 weekHot VideoclipsShe is the first solo artiste to have topped so many Billboard Charts at any one time.We Belong Together has also made it into the history books by being the most played song on American radios of all time.And all the accolades above were for the single, We Belong Together, alone.So, please buy your The Emancipation of Mimi if you haven't already done so yall. nimgnoy let the night fall at 10:54 PM
The lamp on the dressing table flickered as if whispered by the wind.It was unusually dark for an afternoon approaching autumn. The leaves beginning to brown as trees cherish the last weeks of their presence.He sat down in front of himself. The dressing lamp stabled now as its light exuded a warm glow against the rich timber encasing the room. He stared at himself as if it were another. And for a moment, there was not the realisation that the reflection was his. Too busy had he been in his life trying to be someone he couldn't be. He had forgotten how he had looked before, and unable to recognize what he has become now.His eyes surveyed the stranger looking back at him. Their breath in unison.Beat.They both paused as there seem to be some recollection.He recognized those eyes.Those sad eyes that he found too familiar to ignore. They had been windows to days better, and days gone by.
We've met.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 3:11 PM
