Thursday, September 29, 2005
Thought I'll just feature Jon's longer hair and warmer smile. Notice how I look better in Big-O above, but really bad at Heeren below. Vice versa for Jon.
It has been a great day. I know I said it before but it really is.Nothing like spending a fruitful and enlightening day in school, then meeting up with someone I thoroughly enjoy spending time with.Now that's another day. nimgnoy let the night fall at 10:17 PM
And so the fire alarm stopped - either that it was a false alarm, or everyone evacuated except me. We'll see.Back to my previous post which I frantically posted a few moments ago.Shouldn't we live this life knowing the meaning of it all already? It would be totally ironical to live comtemplating meaning of what it means to live. Get it? It is analogous to signing up for a course on how to make cookies, then get into the work kitchen and wondering the purpose of signing up for this course or what the hell you are doing in the work kitchen at all.And the most ironical fact of all? Searching for life inevitable leads to death. Like how making a cookie would ultimately end up with eating it. Then where did the cookie go? Did we make it so that it would later un-make itself and disappear? Then, I rather make gold.Oh pardon me in this mood of waffling. And what also made my day great was my Political Science test. Firstly, it was easy peasy. I know I sound over confident but you should not equate my easy peasy comment to the fact that I might do well. No. In fact, it would be fallacious to do so. I might not do well, but still, I felt good that the questions did not stump me. At the bottom of it all, I felt yippee because my risk to rather watch the Amazing Race instead of reading more readings paid off yesterday. To think I take these sorts of pleasure in life.Lastly, I have to tell you more strange happenings in my room. And thank goodness, no, no more discovery of long black hairs.Of late, especially the past 3 weeks, I have not been sleeping well in my room. I cannot sleep full, meaning I would be stirred up in the midst of my sleep somehow. That never happened at home.Two nights ago, I woke up at some unearthly hour while Mariah sang the amazing chorus to Butterfly on Class 95. It affirmed that I truly am a Mariah fan, even while I am sleeping. But besides that.Last night, I semi woked up and smelled this lovely scent. It was like a nice talcum powdery scent and a mix of Raulph Lauren and something from Marks and Spencers. Distinctively female. And it was weird because I was sleeping in an air conditioned room, and nothing in my room would smell of that. It was as if a woman was around the room somehow, or had just left. And amazingly, I was not freaked out. I was enjoying the smell more than worrying of an apparition. In fact, the frangrance put me quite strangely at ease.It was not until morning that I thought the whole episode last night was totally incoherent and weird. Where that fragrance came from is still a mystery to me.It was a great day and it is going to get better. Off to lunch with my bestest buddy Jon now. Farewell!
nimgnoy let the night fall at 11:24 AM
I had a great day in school today. Well, who can't say they had a great day when lessons end at 11am? But that is far from the point.Attended one of the most enlightening lectures for Philosophy. I actually paid attention for two full hours. It is all about questioning what we believe in, how sure that what we believe is believably true, and why we believe what we believe. Totally like the Matrix, Truman Show and everything of its kind. Of course, the lecture goes much in depth and breadth but I shan't rattle on here.It really puts Philosophy as one serious contender in my decision to decide what to major in.Oh this sucks, the fire alarm went off. I got to get out. Or do I?
nimgnoy let the night fall at 11:17 AM
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
My last attempt.The years fold up neatly into single images, single words, and what went between like glue or a resin that held the important things in place, until, now, later, when they stand alone, the rest decayed, leaving certain moments as time's souvenirs.Should it daunt me that the things I thought would be important, my list of singularities and tide marks, is as useless as the inventory of a demolished house? I no longer recognise the urgency of my old diaries with their careful recording of what mattered. What I wrote down is in another person's handwriting. What has held me are the things I did not say, the things I put away.What returns, softly, or in floods, disturbs me by its newness. Its vividness. What returns are not the well-worn memories I have carefully recorded, but spots of time that badge me out. I am marked down by those stubborn parts of me.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 9:47 PM
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
It's been 11 hours since I started off the day in the Study Room at YIH. And soon I'll be packing up for dinner at Holland V.Vic, on my left, has been doing her bio for the past 11 hours as well. And Junhan on the far left is, hopefully, finishing his Philo essay.I have decided to cease studying for the day, though I know I need to do more. I am at the point where I feel that I am obligated to study more than doing it out of passion or whatsoever nice words I can think of.But looking back at the day, I have accomplished sufficiently. Whipped out a Philo paper in 3 hours that I am relatively proud of, and studied some Political Science for my mid term test on Thursday.Ah, this is a horrible post. The result of 11 hours of inundation academic and scholarly language.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 7:53 PM
Monday, September 26, 2005
My new toys I bought from Cirque Du Soleil's Quidam.Quidam's a great show, executed with precision and flair, as expected from any Cirque production. Of course, the free flow of champagne and wine did help enhance the experience.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 11:12 PM
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Do you hate me? I do not know.Should you hate me? Yes.And now the speakers play a song I do not understand. Naturally so, it is Japanese.I love you yet I do things that make you hate me. Well, hate is not the result I wish to attain, but the things I do are just incorrigible for someone who deserves much better.You expose the flaws in me. And that is why I feel I bare myself no better to anyone else but you. You see through me. I do not know what specs you wear but you do.And when I ask myself why, I seriously do not know. If my consciousness knew of my intentions, the sins would not have been committed. I love you yet I make you hate me. I cannot comprehend this, but conspicuously I do. Like the song from my speakers - I cannot fathom its meaning, yet its tune plays full and that is something I can grasp. Every note flows with a strange regularity and sense, but the words never speak to me.Should you hate me? Hell yes.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 1:17 PM
Friday, September 23, 2005
It's evening. The day preparing for the night.And so am I.I've been really sick the past week. Like sicker than sick.Junhan's simple "Hows you" message was appreciated. I do not expect to be remembered when I am sick. And Vic's offer to buy me ice-creams ('cos that was the only thing I could eat) was equally held dear. So thanks to all who cared, I do not want to list names again.* *The dust gathers on my DVD player. I cannot be bothered but it does not look good. The smooth gold surface punctuated by micro-threads and particles.I know I have been neglecting myself. There is a face that collides with mine in the mirror. I know he wants to speak to me but when he bends forward to whisper, he has no mouth.I can't go back into the past and change it, but I have noticed that the future changes the past. What I call the past is my memory of it and my memory is conditioned by who I am now. Who I will be. The only way for me to handle what is happening is to move myself forward into someone who has handled it. As yet that person does not exist.My room glows, as the sky gets darker while I am typing away. It is my oblong lantern of warmth. The bedsheet needs to be changed.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 6:54 PM
Friday, September 16, 2005
It feels like I am moving into another phase of life.I do not know where the turning point is, and neither do I seek to define it. But something within grips with certainty that what is to come would somehow, with hope, be better.Many people tell me this blog is dark. And perhaps it is true, that it is my alter ego sitting here spilling thoughts into an equally dark unknown. But soon you will realise that it is just me, the me you've always known. Inspirations for writing are always weird and never quite often understood, they just come, giving you that little courage to pen something, then leave, abandoning you forever, leaving behind these words as remnants of their legacy.We live beyond these words, of course. Life can never be defined by words. It is only through living that life earns its worth and meaning. Then, our definition of life will always be changing with time. We live beyond these words.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 1:31 PM
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
I cut my nails. But I missed the fourth finger on my left hand.I look weird now. It's a self maintenence gone wrong. But then again, who looks at nails?And I do not have nail clippers here at my room in PGP. And I am not resorting to cut my nails with a scissors, or worse still, nibble them off with my nimble teeth.My favourite song of the moment is Jame Blunt's You're Beautiful. It is absolutely, well, beautiful. It runs to repeat mode on my media player and I guess my speakers had long memorised what to play each time. And when he sings the line "fucking high", he goes really fucking high, and he does sound fucking high. Pardon the language.My favourite merchandise from Marks and Spencers is now Cherry Liqueurs. Move over Percy and Penny, for here comes the all new dark chocolates with a whole cherry and brandy centre. Try it, it is really very nice, makes you go "sheeeeiok" after each bite.This is an absolutely no brainer entry. Something like what those teenage girls would write. Exceptz I dunz writez with the Zs atz the backz of everyz wordz.And writing like this doesn't exactly make me feel very good with myself. Next entry I promise something better, much better.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 10:28 PM
Saturday, September 10, 2005
On friendships.And for those who are my friends know, they play a paramount role in my life and I love them more than perhaps finding the right partner for a relationship. Which is not the norm, and I agree so.This is thus why I am not too bothered that I am not attached and not in a pressing need for one.I am writing because I was reading Jon's blog and he was pondering about it as well.What makes the friendships I share with each distinctively different, yet all the same? The attribute of variation that humans share.The friendship I have with Hani is so different from the one with Joseph, which is entirely unlike the one with Vic, and exclusive to Jon, but never the same as the one with Shujun; yet, they all give me joy the way a treasured friend should.It all voices down to the sincerity, and purity of what we intensely hold true.I'm too tired to write well, or better.* * I guess I should shout out to the people I do care and cherish (In no order, and if I do not have your names here, I am prolly too tired to think)Jon, Hani, Jess and Bo n Figo, Vic, Shujun the mooncake, Junhan, Joseph, Yif the corner one, Peijun, Peewee, jx, Yvonne, Jackie, Michelle, Yingzhen, Lau lau huiling, Isaacs (2 of you - poh and chan), Winston, angie, Fa, Seeru, Yandao Zhenyang, Lewis.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 3:51 AM
Friday, September 09, 2005
Blogs were not meant for the wounded. They never should be.Does blogging make anyone feel better? My library books are due. And blogging it doesn't seem to solve any part of it. The whole idea that this is the channel for introspection is elusive, and fundamentally flawed.Yet, we believe in it. Something in this online realm grips us, to keep us coming back night after night, pouring our souls into the starless unknown dark. For somehow, we feel we are remotely heard. Heard by the nameless reader and the anonymous face. And strangely, it helps.We've changed. And is this all I can conclude? Fearingly, yes.People change. Period. And hardest for the ones who never wanted it this way.I am now part of someone else's life as much as you're not part of mine. We are merciless under the works of the hands of time.My search for you, your search for me, is a search after something that cannot be found. And only the impossible is worth the effort.I do not wish to close this chapter of my life like that. But I guess, it is best.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 12:35 AM
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Some odd observations of my room:For the third time, I have found a strand of long black hair (that can never possibly be mine) lying conspicuously on the floor. And no, I do not bring girls back either.Each time I find it, I make it a point to flush it down the bowl, so that I know that the next strand I find has to be a completely new one. And true enough, I keep seeing this black strand of hair of approximately the same length a few days later. And I shall not debate if this same black strand reappeared, or whether it is a new random dropping.Trying to dismiss it as a random affair, I find it hard to do so now, now that it has happened three times within 2 weeks.Has someone been entering my room? Or something sinister I shall not even mention here (since I am all alone writing this at the scene of crime)?But then again, I cannot explain why I had the hunch that this would reoccur when I theorised that I should flush down the first strand last week.I hope I do not find a fourth strand. I am still quite calm about the whole matter.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 4:22 PM
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
And after a 6 hour confinement in the Study Room, I finished devouring Kafka's The Trial, all 231 pages of it, which comes as a great relief because I finally completed doing something (in its entirety) for this semester.It was much of an easier read than Lolita.* *Why live life from dream to dream and dread the day when dreaming ends?That's what dreamers like us do. Horrible.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 9:40 PM
Saturday, September 03, 2005
We met and it beginsThe sound of violinsThe song of birds high on the wingYou taught my heart to sing.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 11:45 PM
My week in a glance.
When Geraldine asked me if I was into fine dining, I didn't expect this.Au Petit Salut celebrated their 7th anniversary on Wednesday and it was free flow of champagne and wine the whole night. Which led to this photo.Not mentioning the savoury caviar, salmon roe, escargots and oysters.ps Send me the rest of the pics geraldine! So I can load them up here.
Mariah has proven yet again that she is undefeatable. We Belong Together has stayed on No. 1 for 14 weeks.And in a feat few have accomplished, Shake It Off is now No. 2 on the Billboard Top 100 as well! Mariah snags No.1 AND No.2 positions. A first for any female artiste, and only the fifth in Billboard history to have done it.
Angela and Laura came over my little loft this afternoon. And we had a good time indeed!And I just came back from the movies with Yee Hong. Perth - A Geylang Massacre, we watched. A simple man who never got to Perth, his dream retirement land, who wanted a simple life but never did. Inevitable that we leave the theatre with a sense of discouragement of how life is not always the way we want it orchestrated, and how life's promises may never live up after all.I'm exhausted. And thank you all for the concern, smses, msn messages and comments. I'm much better now after some Clarinase.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 12:52 AM
Thursday, September 01, 2005
I pretty much feel the worst now.I can hardly breathe because my air passage once known as the nostrils has been shut down by mucus. The clog feels like it goes all the way up the bridge of my nose and culminates in between my eyes. Hence, the immense headache - the sort associated with sinus.I sneeze incessantly and I'm afraid my only source of tissue in my room, from the only miserable box on my table, might run out soon. And judging from the rate I use them, I am quite sure they will cease to exist by the end of this post.Which leaves my mouth as the only means of breathing. And after every 5 breaths or so, my throat dries and air becomes shattered glass down the windpipe.And it all means I feel rather miserable.I need more tissue now.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 7:01 PM
