Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Talk to me softlyThere's something in your eyesDon't hang your head in sorrowAnd please don't cryI know how you feel insideI've been there beforeSomethin's changin' inside youAnd don't you know
Don't you cry tonight I still love you baby Don't you cry tonight Don't you cry tonight There's a heaven above you baby And don't you cry tonight
Give me a whisper
And give me a sigh
Give me a kiss before you tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinkin' of you
And the times we had...baby
Don't you cry tonight Don't you cry tonight Don't you cry tonight There's a heaven above you baby And don't you cry tonight
And please remember that I never lied
And please remember how I felt inside now honey
You gotta make it your own way
But you'll be alright now sugar
You'll feel better tomorrow
Come the morning light now baby
Don't you cry tonight Don't you cry tonight Don't you cry tonight There's a heaven above you baby Don't you cry tonight Don't you ever cry Don't you cry tonight
Baby maybe someday
Don't you cry
Don't you ever cry
Don't you cry
Tonight
* *
When I found this song, I so thought of you. And take care, you, so far far away.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 11:07 PM
Monday, February 27, 2006
So this is how my notice board looks like now. It has been bare since I moved in last August so I decided to do something worthwhile, despite only having 2 months left before semester ends.
Did I say 2 months? That's fast.
Photos are simply the best way to capture memories and no one can ever talk me out of the value of photos. Call me a photo-whore, whatever, as long I have these memories immortalised in time, I do not really give a damn.
Here, take a closer look. As long as you can see yourself in this photo, you're cherished. And if you don't see yours, well, I probably cherish you in other ways.Okay, I admit, I am in the midst of studying for a test tomorrow, hence a brainless-fuck-things-up entry. nimgnoy let the night fall at 10:46 PM
Sometimes, all it takes is to meet the right people at the right time to bring about a change that would last a lifetime.I was just looking back at all I have had achieved so far in life, and trying to figure what I can attribute these to. Scouring through the layers of memory long laid to rest, I found the definitive person who made me the person I am today.Thus, I dedicate this entry to the woman who believed - Mrs Tan Poh Teng.Mrs Tan was my maths teachers back in my lower secondary days, and eventually my form teacher in Sec 2. She was never a teacher whom students asscociated as someone who made an impact, for she sang the national anthem each morning with such high a pitch we swore she could break glass. She was a conservative teacher who could never be categorised as fun or motivating. An alumni of RV herself, she was firmly entrenched in chinese roots.I was quite a nobody in my Sec 1 days. Fairly introverted, life pretty much revolved around school and home. I never made the effort to know people beyond my class, and to make matters worse, I was placed in one of the most notorious class famed for having produced RV's first public caning candidate in years. Fuckin nerd with a side parting.But Mrs Tan saw something in me I never knew. She firmly recommended me to the Student's Council, which I finally got in somehow. It was a shaky start but she believed I could do it. And I did. I remember afternoons where she would sit me down and make sure I was coping well with both school work and council work. And in Sec 2, she pushed me to run for the Executive Committee.I made the cut and the rest was history.Moving on to become the President, I only realised on hindsight that I would and could never have done it without her encouragement and support. And then on, the doors of ooportunity swung widely open which I embraced with much confidence. I got to work with the most talented and motivated team (many of whom I am still close to today, in fact, I just had lunch with WanXuan and Waisiong), I was sent to the inaugural Sing-Thai Exchange Programme, sat on the board of the Millennium Young People's Congress and became an extrovert of sorts. And so much more.All I am trying to say is, Mrs Tan guided me slowly but surely, and placed me on a platform to excel. And I am most grateful.I just heard she retired a couple of years ago. Which explained why my teachers' day cards sent to the school never got replied. Truth be told, I sit up and think of her some nights. And recognise what a pivotal role she played in my life - something I rarely publicly acknowledge.Yes. It is indeed true that sometimes, all it takes is to meet the right people at the right time to bring about a change that would last a lifetime.
So this is my silent tribute to a woman who did nothing except to believe in me and unleashed the best I had to give.And that made all the difference.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 4:08 PM
Sunday, February 26, 2006
You gotta trust me on this, the best way to get a sun tan is through slapping sun block.It has been tested and proven. Why, you may ask. Simple.Not applying sunblock may imply the following that [1] you wanna act like a hero braving the sun, [2] you wanna act stupid braving the sun or [3] you are begging the sun to give your skin some cancer.People just do not learn, no sunblock = sunburn. Isn't it logical?Perhaps they are impatient. But good things have to wait! It is just like the art of barbeque-ing. You can't take a blow torch and scorch a poor chicken wing for a second and say it's done. The skin will be charred but the meat inside raw. Instead, place it over a moderate flame and flip it side to side for an even cook, and that's how we all should tan. Think of the lovely glazed BBQ chicken wings slowly spinning in the oven next time you head out into the sun.So I am glad. Going out into the sun in Phi Phi Island under layers of sunblock surely did not disappoint. While the others are peeling, I am not. Gloats.A suntan is really psychological too. A Phi Phi Island tan feels more gratifying than a Sentosa tan. A Sentosa tan definitely feels better than a BMT tan. Well, my friend did not feel too good about his tan from the Asian Aerospace though. Its all in the branding perhaps.Okay.This is, by far, the most brainless entry I've written.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 12:37 AM
Thursday, February 23, 2006
I have just started doing readings for my Philosophy precis on the ethical issues of euthanasia, and it is at times like these I feel so vexed, yet I still fuck things up by doing other things like blogging.Which is cool because you take your mind off work, sometimes, a little too much time off work and you do not want to get back to it anymore. But what the heck.Phi Phi and Krabi was lovely, a tad too touristy (especially on Phi Phi) but the pristine waters sure did not disappoint. I enjoyed those 4 days of escape, and managed to do things I really like. We played zero-point with the local kids. We tried out dirt cheap roadside food. We explored colourful markets. We dived with plenty of Nemos. We kayaked into gorgeous rock structures. We drank cheap cheap beer EVERYNIGHT. We braided our hairs. We got ourselves sexy tanned skin. We exclaimed hokkien vulgarities without incurring stares. We walked among (some) people with the most beautiful hearts. We saw an unobstructed nightsky full of stars.Photos would be up next week I guess.So naturally I felt a little low when I had to come back. But I have gotten over that. It does not take you too long to get back to the life you have lived the past 21 years.Which reminds me that I have to get back to my readings. My precis is still a blank sheet. I wished I had such concentration with my readings as I have with blogging.And I would like to repeat. We drank cheap cheap beer E V E R Y N I G H T.I hope you are jealous.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 6:46 PM
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
I am in transit, or at least that's what I think I am in. It is scary to think that I have arrived at the destination of my life. And I do not think I have. I cannot imagine having to accept that this is it, that my start point is my end point and displacement equals zero.The thing is, I cannot stay here forever. Too much baggage here I think. And too stifling as well. Each time I go overseas, I catch a glimpse of the world and feel that it is impossible for me to stay in Singapore forever. Familiarity often breeds mundanity and that is not what I want in life.I was just having breakfast by the beach on Phi Phi Island this morning, and here I am now back in the comforts of my own home. It is a little weird to reconcile that but all it did was to make me more determined to live the world. We do need this routine comfort once in a while but not for always.I am back, for now.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 12:28 AM
Friday, February 17, 2006
Good bye. My flight has been delayed by an hour so I though I should waste my time away doing this.Okay. See you in a bit.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 10:47 AM
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
nimgnoy let the night fall at 9:49 AM
Thursday, February 09, 2006
If all goes well, which I am even getting quite excited as I write, I'd be packing my bags and flying out of town next weekend for a mid-semester getaway to Krabi.The whole idea came about as I was queueing up with Vic for her blood donation in one of the multi purpose halls on campus. Wanting a lazy retreat, Krabi was formulated and decided upon almost instantaneously.We would be spending most of our short stay there on the legendary Phi Phi Islands. I'm simply looking forward to a sun-drenched and relaxing respite this time.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 9:49 AM
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
"The man who said "I'd rather be lucky than good" saw deeply into life. People are afraid to face how great a part of life is dependent on luck. It's scary to think so much is out of one's control. There are moments in a match when the ball hits the top of the net and for a split second it can either go forward or fall back. With a little luck it goes forward and you win. Or maybe it doesn't and you lose."
This is Match Point, a movie of passion, temptation and obsession (I believe you can read).Though it was a movie which had a plot far from envisaged (I was expecting something like Wimbledon), the storyline made good use of the analogy of luck to bring across the idea that sometimes, just sometimes, life is not as much in our hands as we think or feel it is.Luck, it then asserts, plays a big and often life changing role. Perhaps luck is used as a scapegoat here for the larger context of the greater forces in life that renders us sometimes useless as authors of our destiny.The story here is seemingly pathos but not so. It was not the best movie, boring at times, but it got me thinking.That's why I love the movies. For two hours, we are relieved from the world. For two hours, we hear his story. For two hours, we experience something almost out of our bodies. For two hours, we see life.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 9:28 AM
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
I wonder how much time, or life we waste away sitting in front of our laptops surfing aimlessly. And we rather, clearly in knowledge of the opportunity cost, doodle time online than acting on productive means of expending it.* *I follow the nightCan't stand the lightWhen will I beginTo live againOne day I'll fly awayLeave all this to yesterdayWhy live life from dream to dreamAnd dread the day when dreaming endsI always relate to this song. Not that I want to fly away. That is not the point at all. More so of how we (I say 'we' for all arts folks reconciling life out there), yes we, live life from dream to dream, in the floating world where only we find worth in.She paints her face to hide her face. Her eyes are deep water. It is not for Geisha to want. It is not for geisha to feel. Geisha is an artist of the floating world. She dances, she sings. She entertains you, whatever you want. The rest is shadows, the rest is secret.Memoirs reignited this whole idea of what the floating world means to me.Someone told me recently that he hates artsy-fartsy people, which I quietly took offence of course.People do not seem to understand the floating world, much less the people who live within it.The essence of a floating world is found in its transiental aesthetics. And not valuing those moments for any less than others. We appreciate beauty only and just because it is fleeting and never meant to last forever. That is why the floating world is so sought after by people like us - it is an enclosed world where practicalities hardly abide, only beauty. To capture beauty whenever one sees it, and to be part of it all.
The best things, are put together of a night and they vanish with the morning.What people call the floating world, is a world I'm learning how to value. Just like admiring the beauty of fireworks, the blooming of a flower, a 2-hour recital or even an afternoon out with someone cherished. These are encapsulated moments of beauty that lasts only in that moment in time. An almost fragile beauty - transitory and illusionary.
I guess this is why people cannot find meaning in the floating world. To pass time away celebrating things so intangible and transient would seem rather wasteful and all rather decadent. People are guilt-ridden about pleasure and I often wonder why.
It's hard to appreciate beauty of a world when one doubts its very validity.
An artist of the floating world - that is what I am and who we are. And what I stand for is quite sadly against the grain of what society (at least in the one I live in) value today. Living life from dream to dream is not wasteful, but a treasured art and skill.
When I am an old man, when I look back over my life and see I have devoted it to the task of capturing this unique beauty of the world, I believe I will be well satisfied. And no man will make me believe I've wasted my time.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 10:11 PM
Monday, February 06, 2006
I was just looking back at the Brisbane summer vacation photos.Wished I was back at a place where you are greeted with cool crisp air each morning, day out with your best friends in the glorious sunshine, yet not sweating at all.Beaches where sand do not stick to sweaty bodies when you are suntanning.Fast food outlets where people clear their trays after they eat.Buses where the driver jokes and chats with his passengers.Freedom where the day is entirely in your hands.Sunsets across a undisturbed horizon.Nights where you are decked in your woollen cap and jackets.A life shared amongst and with best friends.Ice creams that take twice as slow to melt.
Never a lonely moment. Those were happy days.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 9:39 PM
Friday, February 03, 2006
Thursday nights clearly belong to Shirlyn.She takes the stage and the attention focuses solely on her.The congregation goes into a frenzy as she belts and gets them to sing along. And as they sing, she stands proud like a reigning queen of wala, wielding her guitar, beaming with pride at the power she has over the people. And the people do not seem to mind, everyone's having a good time. In return, she gives a stunning vocal climax.The crowd goes wild.And when the crowd garbles on words and fail to sing, she taunts them and puts everyone down. "So clever," she sarcastically scalds the crowd after they forget the lyrics to a certain song. The yuppies live on her hurls of caustic yet witty remarks.Matron of Wala. Second to none in Holland Village. That's why we love her.* *A special thank you to Jackie and Yvonne for their gift from USA - my very first Hollister T-shirt. Truth to be told, I have not heard of this line until I checked out their website. And I am now proud to say I am the owner of a Hollister.What do I hear? Abercrombie and Fitch? That's so yesterday.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 12:31 AM
Thursday, February 02, 2006
I'm tired. Like watching the credits roll at the end of a movie, seeing names that mean nothing to you, but letting them run before your eyes anyway.I need a good stretch. That is what every movie goer does at the end, straighten out before the reel life ends and the real life resumes. Snapping out of the illusionary world they have come to know the past two hours and letting reality take over - whether they like it or not. Some movies capture me for that couple of hours, and become more attractive than the life I now know, that the reluctance to walk out of the theatre becomes quite scary.Was that a good movie, or a self reflection of an unsatisfied life? They are not mutually exclusive, however. Glad to know that anyway. Drama mimics life, or so they say, but much so, life tries to play out movie scenes. These entities are so grey these days. While movies try to justify its existence as an accurate reflection of life, much distortion these days set out to blur what is real and not.I'm tired, I said. I wonder why I have started to ramble about movies.* *The ants in my room have evolved. They actually have brains these days.They play dead when I am on a killing spree. I leave them for a while and they start crawling around again, which is highly irritating of course. And not only that, when they play dead, they are really good at it. My fingers push them around and they skid across the table like a truly dead ant. Only when I squash them that these "dead" ants start to wriggle in pain. How dare they insult my intelligence. I squash them again till they move no more.Pardon me if you feel for these ants, for I feel no remorse. They are simply irritants that serve no other purpose than to frustrate you, and hence, they must be exterminated.I'm tired lah.
nimgnoy let the night fall at 4:23 PM
