where thoughts materialise.

So we're into the sixth version of my blog after the last version hung around for a year or so.

Now, a bit of info on this image. This photo was taken one lovely spring afternoon, featuring the iconic Old Well from the UNC Chapel Hill campus. I would like to think of this image as a tribute to my time in UNC Chapel Hill, the awesome friends I made and the memories I now hold dear.

A milestone in my life indeed.

I've dropped the tagboard cos its useless and taking eons to load. But thanks to Angela who helped me set it up, I still do like and will miss the pink interface.

So yeah, it's the sixth one you fellas!

Yours.

27 April 2008

you know you miss my older entries

October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008

Thursday, March 30, 2006

If I rush to fill your void, and you rush to fill mine, is this relationship then validifiable?

Of course, I do not think validifiable exists in the dictionary but you guys know what I mean. "Valid" + "-if(y)" + "-able", i.e able to be validified.

I don't know really. We are creatures of emptiness here and there, blankness which creates the feeling of yearning and pining and want. Oh that thirst of desire! We move from city after city, to sojourn and dwell. And we never stop till we find satisfaction that our nihility are filled somehow.

Inside us, nothingness. But hope remains.

It's neat, to think that something as depressing as nothingness breeds hope instead of despair.
And as Jason Mraz might sing: It takes a night to make it dawn. And it takes a day to you yawn brother. It takes some old to make you young. It takes some cold to know the sun. It takes the one to have the other.

Yes, you get the drift. And no, I am not in love or am falling in love or is confused about love. I am no where near love at all. So PLEASE, with the best frame of your rational mind, do not be too quick to diagnose me the next time we meet. So YM, who is that secret new squeeeeeeze you have?? You're alwaaaays writing about some mysteeeeeerious person. I'm over that.

If I rush to fill your void, and you rush to fill mine, is this relationship then validifiable?

I suspect it takes more than a void to validify a relationship, and I hope people realise that. The void is necessary but not sufficient.

So blah blah blah. It is a perennial debate that would go on forever. And I do not have time for forever, or believe in it either (See previous post). So I should really fall asleep.

Gnite.

nimgnoy let the night fall at 11:27 PM

3 comments

Saturday, March 25, 2006

I do not believe in forever.

Our finite nature just doesn't warrant us to proclaim forever like it is a rightful aquisition. We can embody love but what happens when people change or move on? We can attach love within the vessels that carry us through life, but one day this jouney must end. Forever, this elusive phantom of time, makes us look like fools once we're beguiled to believe in its existence.

And am I concerned, the least?

I do not seek to expect forever, anymore. I guess I'm too rational for that. We are afterall, drifting flotsams cast out to sea, where souls meet souls in a odyssey which unfortunately comes with an expiry date.

How do I end this? A thousand thoughts in tandem and conflict in my head, moulding and remoulding, twisted and contorted, torn apart and rearranged again. The outcome is likely to be reshaped yet again as I move on with life, and I am always learning.

Forever. You have come back to haunt me, to challenge your own existence, to haul me out of my singular little world, placing me in an unfamiliar one with a new name.

nimgnoy let the night fall at 12:42 PM

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Friday, March 24, 2006

There is something inherently wrong with nursery rhymes. I was, on my cab journey to Orchard just now, zoning out and trying to think of things not remotely related to school when I found myself going through nursery rhymes. Blame it on this girl in Philo tutorial who started wondering what "Pop goes the weasel" actually meant, so I kindly interrupted her chain of thought to explain the Cockneys and their slang.

So, back to the cab. The more I thought, the more worried I became. Here's why.

See, there were the three blind mice, who if you recall, chased the farmer's wife who in turn chopped off their tails with a carving knife. Ouch. Then there is poor Lil Bo Peep who lost her sheep - how traumatic it must be for a little girl, and imagine how her mama's gonna whack her bad when she gets home. And Bo Peep's not alone, Mary's little lamb was equally down with luck when the teacher turned it out when all it did was to make the children laugh and play. Talk about karma. I am not half way through yet.

We all know what happened to dear jolly Humpty Dumpty, our egg-o-friend. And how can we forget Little Miss Muffet, who got severely freaked out by a spider. And I wonder if that spider was related to Itsy Bitsy, who got washed out the spout for no apparent reason. And in a tragic engineering disaster, London Bridge was falling down - possible birth of terrorist attacks?

Last but not the very least, the final two misfortunes. We have the poor baby who was rocked-a-bye till the bough broke, down came the baby, cradle and all. And the finale, silly Jack and Jill. Yes, we all knew he broke his crown, its serious mind you. Picture tumbling down a hill and there goes your crown. We however were never told if he survived.

So I believe you get my point. Nursery rhymes are merely the musical record of the worst childhood catastrophes of all time, yet children today celebrate these events of sorrow by singing and dancing to its catchy jingles. What are we inculcating in our kids today? I wonder.

And I probably cannot blame them when all they can say to a terrorist attack on Golden Gate Bridge, is "My Fair Lady!"

And don't get me started on Fairy Tales, they, as we Lit students all know, go way darker than they appear to be.

nimgnoy let the night fall at 6:34 PM

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This marks my 324th post. No reason in particular for mentioning that though. It's one of those information that doesn't add any value whatsoever to your life, or mine.

I am supposed to meet Jon in an hour's time, but you probably know me by now. I write at the most awkward time of the day, under significant pressure to head of somewhere else where life is apparently frowning impatiently and waiting for me to fucking live it. And not that I mind though, but sometimes I just do not want to relinquish my control of time to Life, with a capital L. But I do realise that this comes at the expense of Jon waiting for me as well so I better hurry up.

Singapore. Sunny, hot and sunny again. Funny how we are a nation so inadequately informed of the lovely advantages of shades. Walk on the street on a sweltering and sultry afternoon and all you see are faces with squinted eyes, looking almost crossed you'd wonder if Singaporeans are even given birth with eyeballs.

And shades, or avaiators, or sleek Oakleys, or classy Chanel, does nothing but goodwill to mankind, especially favouring those along the equater. And how silly and obnoxious of us to reject these handy lil tinted trinkets.

I say we stand up for our little friends, who bear with them nothing but love and protection to our eyes, care and concern for our image, allowing us to propel to the peak of our esteem, to live as one united country of humble shades. I say we get out and grab ourselves a decent pair of shades, and we shall never stand in fear of the oppressive sun again.

* *

Haha.

nimgnoy let the night fall at 3:27 PM

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Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Trust me when I say that I have no idea what I am doing when I poured my Absolut Vodka into my cereal bowl instead of milk.

And it scares me that the motion of taking the bottle and unscrewing the cap did not register any oddness this morning, and it all happened as if it were routine breakfast ritual.

I only snapped out when I saw clear liquid in my bowl and said to myself," This aint milk!"

What to do, the cereals were already drenched in alcohol and throwing it away would be such a waste of good vodka.

And as I'm munching on my cereal now, with milk added, it tastes weird. I am not used to the tingling sensation of milky vodka in my mouth, crunching upon mushed up cereal with mre milky vodka swishing round my mouth with each bite.

Not such a good idea getting high to kick start the day huh.

nimgnoy let the night fall at 10:28 AM

3 comments

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

I have been paying my dues to the Department of Sleep lately. Giving back to them every single minute of slumber I owe. All forty winks.

And on hindsight, I was faced with an impossible last week. It probably takes thirty hours a day to accomplish what I managed with ease for one week straight. But I did it in twenty-four. Pat on the back please.

But by Friday, the week was winding down, and coming to a rest. Like how sand ultimately settles at the bottom of the sea no matter what, irregardless of how badly stirred by currents.

The idea of the weekend has a blanketing effect. Its the smothering of the heat accumulated during the week, dousing and washing out the dusty grime. Jason Mraz's Live cd did wonders, I bought that over the weekend and it had been on repeat mode till today. My iPod had better memorised every beat and refrain by now. The music's so liberating I wished the earphones were fused into my ears. And in a feat never achieved, I did not listen to a single Mariah song this weekend. Sorry, Mimi.

I was dancing to Mraz while walking back on the corridors of my block. And frankly speaking, I did not give a hoot of anyone noticing me, if they even cared to. Music sets me free and I shall pay homage to it in whatever way I may like to. People plugged with earphones and hence music in their ears are, as I have noticed, happier and more confident than the average joe lugging his body in the streets. And to be living in that individual playlist full of music and imagination, disregarding the humdrums of the world is very much bliss to the near max.

Here's a sample. Common Pleasure - Jason Mraz Live (Link works for 7 days from today) Go listen to Mraz. And yes, feel free to dance in front of your lappie or desktop. Set yourself free.

Second reason for my feel good weekend,

vendetta1

V for Vendetta.

Ain't it amazing how some ideals like freedom triumphs over the larger context of our physical being. How bold and transcendal this virtue of liberation is. People die for freedom, people die for what they believe in. The living on of their vision of a better world take precedence over the continuation of their existence - how noble, how tragic.

The greatest tragedy of all happens when we are impaired from doing what we really want to, when we pursue second-order desires instead of first-order ones and worst of all, are blinded of our first-order wants. The greatest tragedy is when we can't dream, and the only place where dreams can live is in our sleep. Living a dream is not a paradox, but a paradise.

So remember remember, the fifth of november. Gunpowder, treason and plot; I know no reason why gunpowder treason, should ever be forgot. For dreams and ideals live on. Beyond our bodies, beyond time.

vendetta2

nimgnoy let the night fall at 10:25 PM

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Sunday, March 19, 2006

Hello?

Hey.
It's me.

I know.

Its been a while.

I've been keeping track too.
Been well?

You say?

I see shadows beneath your eyes.

Late nights.

Haha. I missed you.

Me too, really.

Remember those days lazing within the Botanic Gardens?

Yeah haha. We were high on iPod and scouring Lit texts.

And how we loved the sun, high noon or not. It delievered warm rays.

Those were the days huh.

[beat] Were.

Oh, stop it.

I wished you had more time for me.

I wish the same.

* *

A conversation with myself.

nimgnoy let the night fall at 12:10 AM

4 comments

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Just before I crash off to bed, due to the severe depravity of sleep last night (or this morning) which amounted to a mere four hours (4am - 8am), I just wanted to let the whole world know what an AMAZING talent Jason Mraz is. And perhaps, AMAZING with full caps might just be an understatement. It has to be bold. AMAZING. There.

I had an inkling that I would fall asleep in Mraz's show this evening. Four hours of rest the previous night could not keep me awake for more than twelve hours today, I thought. But Jason's witty and occasional lame sense of humour kept me pretty much entertained for the whole two hours he played. And I appreciate his ad-lib skills - superior.

I functioned today much like a busy and tired bee. I had to wake up early today because I had to get my Geography report printed, which I worked really hard for till 4am the night before, and not having any paper in my room at 4am meant that I had to visit the Co Op for more. And because printing on premium paper took twice the time, I was terrible late for my Ethics lecture. Rather down, I skipped lecture and parked myself in the library where I did my readings in the cold just to torture myself for being such a whimp (cos I dared not enter the seminar room [for Ethics lecture] for the less than practical reasons).

Sometimes, I do feel that my life is cluttered with many things I do not want and need. I feel rather constrained by impositions of obligations by external agents who try to determine how I live my life. The infringement of my autonomy is an issue I feel strongly about. Many times I wished I could do what I really desire, to make independant decision and live with it. But like a fish in a bowl, I swim in shackles within the confines of glass walls built around me.

Friends, family, arts and music. They liberate me. And that is about it.

I write lesser about life these days, and my revelations of it. And that is what I fear most - to inevitably come to a standstill where I decelerate in discovering life and its wonders. I fear waking up and instead of appreciating the weather (rain or shine), feel that I need to fucking get on with life anyhow. I fear mundanity and being unable to see the world.

And when I realise that the ins and outs of my life are not worth writing anymore, I get concerned. What will happen to a face in the crowd when it finally gets too crowded? And will happen to the origins of sound after all the sounds have sounded? Well I hope I never have to see that day but by God I know it's headed my way.

There's nothing to watch on the tv now. Nothing, but to crash in bed and wait awakening, once again.

nimgnoy let the night fall at 12:27 AM

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Friday, March 17, 2006

When I called Jess last evening, I could hear the fireworks from the opening of the Commonweath Games going off overhead. She was lamenting that the public transport system in Melbourne was shut down and everyone had to walk to the stadium. And I wished I was there!

And speaking of the games, the Queen is in town. I'm no fan of the royalty, but the interesting thing is, this trip to Singapore was finalized as early as May 18 last year. I am not joking. Talk about a busy schedule.

I brought Vic to the V Tea Room yesterday, finally. It has always been Jon's and my favourite cafe and I managed to extend that to Vic. And what impressed me at first was when the hostess remembered Jon and asked why wasn't he here this time. I was, however, not too taken aback as V Tea Room has a reputation for remembering details.

What threw me off happened as I was leaving the cafe. As Vic and I left, I heard from behind me, "Yon/g.... Min!" I was extremely surprised. She asked me back to fill in a mainling list form. I remember mentioning my name once, on a passing note, a few months back. And she remembered. It is complimenting, and at the same time scary.

Celebrating Jon's 22nd. And thanks for the Havaianas Cartunista! My very first pair.

nimgnoy let the night fall at 1:32 AM

1 comments

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

So, after countless photos, and more countless hours on msn, and even more countless phone calls later..

We've came a long way, wouldn't you think so!

Happy Birthday bro.

nimgnoy let the night fall at 12:46 AM

1 comments

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

On Sociology Lectures.

Hope was renewed when Dr Anne Raffin stepped up to lecture last week. And as you probably already know, I love a lecture for all the wrong reasons. For Dr Raffin, it was her french accent. First time I had a french lecturer though, and she made her topic on social deviance seem renaissance-ish, cultured and almost romantic.

Which is silly of course.

But little did I know she only lectures for that one particular week. And hope, as quickly it came, was quickly dashed.

* *

On Philosophy Lectures.

Dr Kyle Swan's lectures are dense, and they make me feel stupid. Applied Ethics is a module that traverses closely between life, death and morality. And since nobody has figured that out yet, it makes this study very (very very) tricky.

* *

On Engineering Lectures.

Easy peasy I love moley.

The history behind moley is this. Not that my lecture has lots of moles, but because his initials read Assoc Prof M.O. Lai. So yeah, molai molai and give it the Queen's English twang you get moley. Or perhaps like how Dr Raffin might pronounce it, mole with the funny tick above the "e". Like cafe. And as you might have figured, we glide through this module with relative ease.

* *

On English Language Lectures.

Dr Abraham is high on English. She literally gets high on lecture. Those who do not know her might think she might be on something when she teaches. And for a subject as technical as english language (think verbs adjuncts clauses nouns etc), she is doing a really great job keeping me interested.

I actually look forward to tutorials.

* *

On Geography Lectures.

No comments. I never attend them.

nimgnoy let the night fall at 11:52 AM

0 comments

Friday, March 10, 2006

I just had to blog before I leave my room.

The sun's out in its glorious whole and begging me to go out and play. Which I am.

Besides, the air con broke down, twice in three days, but Mr Trusty Uncle will come and fix it soon enough, they are rather efficient. I filed the fault report online at 9am on Wednesday and it got fixed by 11am. It's amazing, in this age of technology, how things can get surprizingly done beyond expectations.

And I am rambling again. Weather's too hot for any deep, cool thought.

And something that has been bothering me for ages. Why, why oh why, shampoos of different colours, be it green (that's mine, Organics), blue, purple, pink and whatever you have out there at NTUC, why oh why does the lather always end up white?

I need to get out of this place now.

nimgnoy let the night fall at 12:31 PM

1 comments

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

And now that I have gotten the whole series on Phi Phi settled, I can return to the comforts, and perhaps, sinister lure of my introspections.

So.

I have been thinking for some time. And I find myself totally ridiculous. I am completely unable to move on from things I know I can never return to, ever again. And the futility of it all (be it moving on or returning to the past) does not seem to bother me at all.

Days that stretched into months and eventually becoming a year, I never felt different about that particular feeling of lost that circumstances in life have taken what I love hostage.

So layers form. Layers that seem to show that I am fine, layers to demonstrate that I am coping, layers to suppress the fact that I have never let go. And like all of my introspections, this is not a cry for help, and neither a cry to be understood.

Life has, for me, become one that I have to live with a hand in the past. And it seems to be now that, I would be quite lost without that longing for what I refuse to let die.

Don't you see it? This has become my life. The past and present has fused to form what is me now. I cannot live a life today without acknowledging the life I used to love so much.

Then I realised. I am speaking for us all. Everybody has a past, a memory, a loved one, a happiness they cannot leave behind. And that is how, as I have mentioned before, that is how the past lives within us.

Perhaps letting go is not a good idea anymore.

nimgnoy let the night fall at 12:01 AM

1 comments

Monday, March 06, 2006

Day 3 - Day out at sea
This day, we travel round the Phi Phi islands for a sun-drenched day of snorkelling and kayaking.
outtosea

The trip brings us to 7 locations around Koh Phi Phi Don, Koh Phi Phi ley and the paradisical Bamboo Island.
Clockwise from top left:
Our shadows (duh)
Making our way from the resort to Ton Sai Pier
Long Boats line the beach of Ton Sai Bay
On board!

sea1

At each location, we were free to snorkel, swim, kayak, or simply laze on the sun deck of the boat.
Middle row, left photo: Maya Bay, where the movie "The Beach" was filmed.
Bottom row: Monkey Beach, where Vic and I kayaked through some of the most towering rock structures.

sea2

Bamboo Island. This was the best part of the day. Crystal clear waters would be an understatement. The sea water changes from blue to turquoise, and that change is not gradual but clearly marked. See the photo on the top right to get a better idea - you see that the sea water changes beyond a distance.
Fishies can be seen even from the boat (Bottom left photo)

sea3

Clockwise from top left:
Our long boat transfer back to our resort after the day trip. Very satisfied as you can see. And a great tan as well.
Me, goofing around the day before.
Sirui and me with braided hair.
Tsunami leaves a mark behind on a destroyed pillar as school kids attend a flag raising ceremony behind.
That's my phone.
Apache Bar - where I glowed the whole night.

Day 4 - Back to Singapore (Read it aloud, it rhymes)
We bid goodbye to Phi Phi Island as I piece together a landscape shot of Ton Sai Bay, as viewed from our resort.
tonsaibay

And we leave with very happy memories.

nimgnoy let the night fall at 4:09 PM

0 comments

Thursday, March 02, 2006

I have just applied for the Yale University Summer Programme, though I know competition is definitely going to be tougher than tough. But hey, no harm giving it a shot.

But I would be extremely glad to be admitted into the summer school, albeit for one short month in June. Not to mention the whole Ivy League experience. And also the insights of students from all over the world who descend upon Yale every summer for this programme.

I guess if you never force yourself to live truly independently, you'll never really grow up and know the world for what it is.

nimgnoy let the night fall at 5:18 PM

7 comments

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Day 2 - Krabi Town to Phi Phi Don Island
Good morning, and morning does start early in Krabi town. The cock-of-a-rooster downstairs could not stop cocka-doodling since 3am as we awoke for breakfast at 8am. Being the only ones they were serving breakfast to at that time, we were given special attention which was a little unnerving but that also meant we had speedy service.
This day, we await transfer to Klong Ch'lad Pier to be ferried for Phi Phi "Paradise" Island.
offtophiphi

So the bus arrives at our doorstep earlier than expected and I had to give up checking my emails by the internet station that seemed to run on a 28.8k modem. And from this point on, it would become apparent, till the very last day, that we would find ourselves the only Asians where-ever we went (not counting the locals of course). We boarded a super sardine-packed bus for the pier and we finally on course to PP.
enroute

And on the ferry, no one seemed to want to sit within the air-conditioned interiors and started spilling onto the deck, which we gladly did so as well. Truth to be told, everyone on the deck looked like a scene where survivors were ferried from the Titanic ruins to New York. But 1.5 hours of a journey to PP means we had a gd time to tan and slack as the oceanic winds blew past.

As we steered into Ton Sai bay, we set foot onto PP's pier, where as you can see, is still dilapidated by the destruction of the tsuinami. We transferred to our hotel's long boat service and were whisked away to Bay View Resort, a 5 min boat ride from the pier. Bay View was good.
gloriousphiphi

So what you see above are namely the beach in front of our resort where we spent a good deal of the afternoon swimming and tanning at. Also, our dinner at a restaurant set against the picturesque Ton Sai bay. We walked round the village and ended up at the notorious Apache Bar for drinks while Man U and Liverpool fought it out on the big screens.

Everything was overly touristy, made-for-tourists shops and services sprung from every corner as we quickly got bored. And yes, we were still the only Asians around.

The next day would be yet another highlight of the trip - our day out around the Phi Phi chain of islands for snorkelling and kayaking.

We slept well, and there were no roosters around.

nimgnoy let the night fall at 10:47 AM

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Day 1 - Singapore to Krabi (and orginally also to Phi Phi Island)
arrival

And so we arrived an hour late due to the delay in the flight. Ah, sunny Krabi. Warm and we were totally soaking in the sun. We make our way across the tarmac taking photos which was a total time waster, we would feel its consequence soon enough. It was a great flight and we're finally at the destination of our trivial conversations week ago.

The time was 2:30pm and all taxis were despatched away by passengers who did not waste their time clicking their shutters away. We then learnt that the last ferry to Phi Phi leaves at 3pm. The next available taxi arrives at the airport at 3pm. Simple math tells us we're not going to make it. Uh-oh.
Change of plans. One night in Krabi town before catching the first boat out the next morning. We booked ourselves a room at SGD18 a night and not expecting what was to come.
KR Mansion

So this is it, K R Mansions. Probably a -3 star rating if you ask me. Note the negative sign. It was not unbearable but just less than nice. True backpacker's fashion. I could live with it. Victoria looks disgusted.
walkkrabitown1

So we decided to head out and only return when we're dead tired. We make our way to Krabi town to catch the sights. Road side food stalls are a huge treat and everyone's friendly. I felt so at home and the sorching sun did not seem to matter.

Me (to auntie in peach): Auntie can take photo? (Points to my camera, smiling gleefully)
Auntie in peach: T-wen-ty baht! (Tongue in cheek fashion)
Me (shocked): 20 baht?
AIP (laughing): You buy one parket, I take forto!
Me: Haha, sure.
Purchases a bag of her goodies and preps to take a photo. She was so shy and dared not look into the camera despite my cajoling. Cute. Click click goes the cam.
AIP (Waves to me): Come, show me.
Me (handing the camera over): Very pretty!
AIP: Wait. (Reaches out for her reading glasses and places them on.)
She looks at this piece of technology and see herself in it. She smiles, as if contented and satisfied. Handing the cam over, she parts with this metal box she know she would never see again. She laughed as she waved goodbye and that certainly made my afternoon.

We walked around and found a group to village kids playing Zero-Point at a sidewalk. We asked if we could join in and they gamely agreed. They were extremely excited to have guests. They laughed hysterically and were at moments shy when we were taking pictures of them. Reserved at first, they warmed up to us quickly. Their eagerness as they swarmed around me to catch the preview of each photo on my digicam was overwhelming and really indescribable. I felt like a daddy! That was definitely a highlight of the trip.
dinner1

We walked by markets and were impressed with the local life. Things in Krabi town were more organic and less touristy, as we would find out on Phi Phi Island. We settled for an inexpensive and very gratifying dinner. BBQ catfish and chicken fit for four people at only SGD2!

And as the sun sets, Krabi transforms into a charming town of dimly litted bars. Friendly bars. For once in my life, I played Jenga while gulping beer. Now, why don't we have this in Singapore?

We drank silly and turned in for a long and early day to follow. Krabi town was unexpected for us, but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

Next entry, we (finally) set off for Phi Phi Island.

nimgnoy let the night fall at 12:29 AM

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